Not long ago, I got a voice message from one of my Live Bright Now clients, a female CEO named Joanne. “I need to put on my big girl pants,” she said. “Can we talk?” Turns out Joanne had an upcoming video conference with one of her male counterparts in Europe about running their global business team. Based on previous interactions with her colleague, Joanne knew he was stubborn and had a sizable ego. For his part, he felt like she had unrealistic expectations for the team. For Joanne, “big girl pants” was code for holding her ground and staying firm when asking for what her team needed.

For the past few weeks, one phrase keeps popping up in my brain: Life is a contact sport. I’ve been feeling a lot of “contact” from all directions lately. Since “normal” daily life now is pretty darn intense—and the political unrest is only heightening the intensity—I think we’re all feeling more sensitive and vulnerable than usual. I’m probably not the only one regularly nursing a few bumps and bruises. Question is, can we learn something from the injuries we’re sustaining?

The past couple of weeks have been pretty overwhelming for a lot of us. When the pandemic is about the fourth item on the news, coming after the death of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, outrage at racial injustice, and the terrifying fires and smoke here in the West, you know things are getting crazy. As the world seems to darken by the day, it can feel hard or even impossible to find much brightness.

A few weeks ago, I had to schedule a medical procedure. My diagnosis wasn’t serious, and my doctor assured me I’d bounce back fast. Going into the operation, I was pretty nonchalant. Once back home, however, I quickly ditched my blasé attitude. If the meds were working, I was comfortable but loopy. When they wore off, I was lucid but in pain. Either way, I was totally off my game.

Sometimes learning to locate the brightness in your life in spite of what’s happening around you is a fundamental survival skill. You know how flight attendants remind us that, in case of an emergency, we should put on our own oxygen mask first? These days, the equivalent safety instruction is to remember to take care of ourselves in order to be at our best for others. Learning to find moments of peace amidst uncertainty helps us cultivate calm and resilience. It’s good for us, and it’s also good for everyone around us.

As a coach and facilitator, I often guide leaders and teams through bright listening exercises. Here are a few I find particularly effective (and I practiced them myself during a wonderful two-day workshop called “Scaling Intimacy” led by Jenny Sauer-Klein).